As a woman, I can totally relate to our need to have a conversation. We have the ability to talk about the same issues over and over again rather than find a way to resolve them or completely isolate ourselves from the source of the issues. We look for things like 'closure' while in reality, things happen to us that we will never get over but must learn to live with. This may be why we stay in dysfunctional relationships with people who belittle us, hurt us or dismiss us. We think we will never get over it if something that's clearly not working comes to an end. We lull ourselves into believing that the red flags aren't as bad as they seem.
If you are like me, you've probably spotted women who seem to have everything together, physically, financially, emotionally and mentally but yet hitch their wagons to people who have nothing going for them. We want to help them. We put ourselves on a self-imposed mission to rescue them. We want to pull them out of the hole they are in and into our safe world. We want to play God. We want to understand them and this keeps us stuck in situations we desperately need to get out of.
Our penchant for fantasy explains a lot about the things that we do when it comes to relationships. We are so focused on what we desperately want people to be, we forget to take them for what they really are. How else can a woman be comfortable in a relationship for years with a person who have demonstrated a lack of integrity; one who has cheated over and over again; one who has no boundaries and will get with anything that moves? To make matters worse, we get committed so quickly and we become prone to allowing people we don't really know to very quickly become important in our lives.
It's time for us to stop coming up with an arsenal of excuses while we avoid the painfully obvious. We need to stop dialing down our instincts and intuitions just because we want to hold on to something that's not worth holding on to. Defining ourselves exclusively and our role in the world through the eyes of another is a recipe for disaster. We must quit being myopic about our lives and stop blaming our being stuck and our frustration on others. We have the power to put an end to whatever may not be working in our lives. A relationship that's not working now and that hasn't worked in the last five to ten years is in trouble. Face it and solve the issues to make it better or cut your loses and move on. Remember, it takes two commitments to make any relationship work.
Steve Maraboli said it well with this quote: "Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny."
Our penchant for fantasy explains a lot about the things that we do when it comes to relationships. We are so focused on what we desperately want people to be, we forget to take them for what they really are. How else can a woman be comfortable in a relationship for years with a person who have demonstrated a lack of integrity; one who has cheated over and over again; one who has no boundaries and will get with anything that moves? To make matters worse, we get committed so quickly and we become prone to allowing people we don't really know to very quickly become important in our lives.
It's time for us to stop coming up with an arsenal of excuses while we avoid the painfully obvious. We need to stop dialing down our instincts and intuitions just because we want to hold on to something that's not worth holding on to. Defining ourselves exclusively and our role in the world through the eyes of another is a recipe for disaster. We must quit being myopic about our lives and stop blaming our being stuck and our frustration on others. We have the power to put an end to whatever may not be working in our lives. A relationship that's not working now and that hasn't worked in the last five to ten years is in trouble. Face it and solve the issues to make it better or cut your loses and move on. Remember, it takes two commitments to make any relationship work.
Steve Maraboli said it well with this quote: "Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny."
No comments:
Post a Comment